I have written this blog so many times over the past few months but keep thinking it’s not good enough or doesn’t explain what I want to say very well – yay for anxiety brain! But today I thought ‘Screw it, my followers know me and they know what I’ve been through so I’m just going to bloody well write it!’ so here I am.
As you all know, I am so open about my mental health and my anxiety disorder whether it’s in person, on my blog or on social media. I was diagnosed 9 years ago now, so it’s safe to say it’s a huge part of my life and probably always will be. However I decided a year or so ago that I won’t let it define me or my way of living, so even if it is there forever I refuse to let it stop me from living my life.
If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll see I posted on my stories the other day saying I haven’t had time or energy to do anything blog related recently and it’s hard to explain to those who don’t have a mental health illness like mine that they do physically effect you as well as mentally.
I get a lot of physical symptoms with my anxiety disorder, ask my doctor and they’ll be able to tell you a never-ending list of things we have deemed to be ‘anxiety related’! I feel sick, tired, lethargic, physically and emotionally exhausted, and sometimes it makes me irritable too (sorry Dean!) but that’s all pretty normal for someone with anxiety.
I self-referred myself to therapy again a few months ago as my anxiety was taking hold of my life again and I noticed the signs of it spinning out of control. This time it’s mainly eating anxiety, which I know is ridiculous as I need to eat to live so I thought I should get it seen too before it got too serious. I am still on the waiting list but currently having some CBT through an online app they can now offer, which has already been useful!
Reading that might explain a lot if you’ve been out for dinner or invited me to eat somewhere recently, it’s been a bit of a struggle but I’m working through it. As everyone knows I LOVE going out for food whether it’s breakfast, lunch or dinner, so I am determined to get rid of the stupid anxiety I have about eating!
A huge milestone for me is last week I managed to eat one or two things in the office each day. A few months ago just the thought of eating around people made me feel sick, but three M&S chocolate mini rolls later I managed to sit at my desk and eat followed by small steps each day.
I also went out for breakfast at the new Boston Tea Party in Chichester Friday morning with a friend from work, which is something else that would have caused a panic attack just a few weeks ago. Highly recommend it by the way, the veggie breakfast was absolutely delicious and to hell if my anxiety thinks I am missing out on eating that!
It’s all about the baby steps and making sure you talk to those close to you. I am lucky to have such a supportive husband and family, who encourage me to get help when I need it or are just simply there for me. I’m also lucky that I have such a good understanding of anxiety and panic attacks, so I know when to get help if I need it.
Just don’t forget to ask your friends how they are or just have a cup of tea with them regardless if they have a mental health illness or not, it’s not always an easy thing to talk about and is still such a taboo subject, which I think is ridiculous in 2018!
The last little thing to leave you with is my current favourite quote:
Be a warrior, not a worrier.